Shattered

Last evening, what can i say- walked into something i should not have... so many memories revisited! My disappointment, anger and a state of helplessness... All the hard work shattered right before me in a second... Another turning point in my relationship with others... I can't say too much... The question is can there be an ending of this sorrow. There is a limit to what one can endure..

I can very well comprehend, without the understanding of sorrow there can't be wisdom. I was told ending of sorrow is the beginning of wisdom. Mmh, i know, i am a total failure as a parent... I don't know how to meet this sorrow. What is love? All the conditions around how i love my children and my expectations mounds to this sorrow.. Can i be free of this? The wisdom i seek- no fear, no illusions, no self-deceptions and no anxieties. The inevitable shadow of frustration…. I am caught up in this self contradiction like a .......Can I feel the love and not this pain. I want to be aware of my reaction(s). Can i do this with my superficial mind? I am desperately looking for a refuge. Then again am i trying to avoid and dreadfully looking for explanations to lock my mind? But my wound of sorrow is quite deep. I am finding it hard to take that bandage which is my inheritance. What is the motive of/for my sorrow...

Yet another day on my Yathiri... I love you baba and i have failed you...