Guilt

I haven’t done justice to myself means, I haven’t penned down my thoughts- in the present day language- haven’t blogged. The reason, been supper busy getting entangled in more trouble and creating more problems.

Why are we so used to calling everything under the planet- a(the) problem? Categorizing anything that requires a bit more energy to deal with is understood as a problem by many of us and especially I can speak for myself with authority. Then I ask myself how is this related to GUILT? The first memory of guilt comes with my grandma saying “ she is going to love me less if I didn’t eat all what was served on my plate”. It starts with making you eat the vegetables and moves on to Sunday schools where they confuse us with the mere concept of me- the conception of me- the original sin. Then it goes on to take all kinds of forms. The whole life and its teachings revolve around this feeling of guilt.

Then comes this mad rush to start schooling where we are then conditioned and trained to have problems. The brain is schooled to continue to have problems through comparisons, rewards, examinations and especially punishments. Then the brain starts to own these problems which will never be solved because the brain/mind is conditioned not to solve but to own it. When you don’t solve the problem you are consumed with this feeling of guilt. Then the others come to assist us and they start owning our problems too, which becomes a cycle.

So what is this horrible feeling called guilt? How is it related to ego which is part of me! If it is part of me then it is not separate. It is like you have a problem and you go to the other to solve it but the other has it’s own problem and gets upset, depressed and feels helpless that s/he can’t help and creates another problem. Here if you take the You(I) and the Other(me) to be the same- in many cases it is the truth, you will never solve any problem and it accumulates. Feel guilty along the stream of self-centered activities. If you are not so fragmented can you feel guilty? One part is trying to be noble and other part is corrupt and one part is ambitious and ruthless and the other part wants peace! And then we feel guilty.. don’t you think this feeling of guilt is our own making? The mind that is caught in contradiction can never find what is real!

Can I observe this feeling without naming it??? When you don’t name something it no longer exits. I do understand the mind is so afraid to live in the state of nothingness. Don’t you think so? Who am I? Am not something made up of images and words? My mind is so afraid of being empty, therefore it latches onto “ I must be” constantly want to be occupied..

Can we observe the present without the knowledge (memory) of the past.. May be, that is when we will be rid of “guilt”