Is the experiencer different from the experience.. is a thinker different from thought(s)… I am an embodiment of being conflicted by the fragmentation of thoughts..
If I go on the premises of thought and the thinker to be the same and the experiencer and the experience to be the same, the question comes to mind is what separates the two. Is it the illusion of time? Take me for example, last nite, I was happily making dinner for the one I love the most, and the one who keeps me grounded, she is tired of others cooking.. The phone rang, a friend- who I haven’t seen for a long time… almost begged to see me… I know the reason… Of course I agreed and hurried through my dinner…
He came and I fixed us drinks- local alcohol( I am terribly broke and saving the wine for once a week)- and I must say I am beginning to like this Arrack, it is obviously growing on me.. We were sitting there sipping arrack and rolling something to smoke… I had timed this evening and I had only given an hour to this friend of mine since I had many other things to do and one among those- feeling sorry for myself…
I sat there and watched him roll and moved to the rooftop to smoke… The sky was clear and the starts were bright… The smoke was quite strong and no inhibitions and no fear.. I asked my fried to leave and reluctantly he left.. I hope he will never read this… He did roll another one for me so that I wouldn’t need him this evening.. I was glad to see him go as we had nothing in common… I went to my room… felt great… state of togetherness-mind body soul- wouldn’t have known what is right and what is wrong or pain from pleasure… a state of unconsciousness… a great feeling… lasted only for a little while..
However, then came the feeling of pain and pleasure, the dichotomy … to my dismay I typed a message to the one I am breaking up with… for the life of me I can’t remember what I wrote… probably a sappy one… I guess the time is the divide to pain and pleasure…
Woke up in the morning and felt good… May be it was good that I sent a sappy message… Felt relieved.. I don’t feel guilty anymore… Don’t want to get lost in the drama and I want to be the observer and not the thinker.. Yet another day on my yathiri…
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